why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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