I am puke
do herpes really smell.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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