dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
