i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
