Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
