We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
