My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
