I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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