nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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