I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
