you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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