All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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