similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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