My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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