Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
