I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
