Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
