Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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