woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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