This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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