Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
