nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
