We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
