Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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