If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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