i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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