Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
