Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
