This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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