I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He kissed a someone with a penis
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
