I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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