She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
