**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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