I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
