I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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