I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
