Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
