11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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