She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your penis caused this!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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