one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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