I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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