Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
