Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
