I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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