is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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