I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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