So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
