i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
