I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
