No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
