she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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