fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
