please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
