Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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