i already hear my dad disowning me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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