two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
