i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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