im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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