the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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