I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize