so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
