so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
PANTIES FOUND
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