no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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