you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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