Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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