Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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