dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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