I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
