Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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