last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
