so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
